Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about time. How it moves, when it moves and most of all how I spend mine. Suddenly, for the first time in a long time, I am “busy” No… I am exhausted. Staying home with Jo, cleaning, planning meals, grocery shopping, doing laundry was tiring, but if it got really bad I could take a nap with Jolene or at the very least nurse lying down. I can’t do that at work. Also suddenly, I have three children. You might think “oh no its different, nannying is so different than parenting” but when it comes down to it, when we all go to the lake, I am responsible for three lives (other than mine), three potential sunburns (ignoring me, I am officially lobster woman), three beings that need to be constantly reminded to eat and drink water and not throw sand (well Jolene isn’t quite there…). The children are helpful with Jolene about 20% of the time. They sing “Amazing Grace” to her when she is crying and they do like to hold her (so I have free hands to do important things like take the banana bread out of the oven…). The other 80% of the time, we are just the slowest train. Thats fine. I leave way waaaay too early for everything and accept that if I want the 5 year old to learn how to buckle herself in, she must do it herself. Also HOW CAN THAT TAKE SO LONG??
The time that is difficult is the coming home tired time. My room is this crazy laundry hell and I usually help my mum with dinner but then Jolene needs to be nursed and I am trying a new bedtime schedule and there are just only so many hours before I need to force myself to go to bed so I won’t be a caffeinated mess at work. The thing that is suffering, besides the suffocating laundry (my clothes are suffocating each other because they are in such a teetering pile, no human beans are at risk of laundry suffocating… to be clear) is the solid, Jolene and Cecilia giggling and scooting around on the floor time (because that is a thing that happens now! sort of?)…with lots of books and rolling over and kisses.
This kind of time…
(thats Jolene at 1 month! something I do with my should be sleeping time is look at teeny Jo baby pictures!)
The time I have alone with Jolene is in the early morning, when I am wishing her asleep so I can sleep, and bed time, when I am wishing her asleep so I can have a couple of child free hours in the day. This needs to change. Somewhere, at some point(s) in the week I will make it happen. Because if I don’t have time for that, why do I spend any time reading or bathing or doing most other things… like rereading the 2nd Hunger Games book most of the day today…did I really need to do that? (yes)
There is a lot of weighing of time. I can’t wash my sheets but I can watch an episode of Magic School Bus before bed?? Really?! But that makes sense because a thing I know about myself is that if the environment gets too messy, I waste precious time entertaining myself with dumb stuff because I can’t face the mess. I do not think I am the only one who does this.
Anyway, blah blah more virtuous activity, less 90s nostalgia/ general staring at a screen too late at night. Speaking of which…..