Monthly Archives: June 2012

transitions “….and a lawsuit”

Transitions have always been hard for me. My anxiety always unknowingly oozes out of the cracks during that murky middle ground between end and beginning.

Today is Tuesday and on Thursday my big fat maternity leave (of sorts) is ending and I am beginning my 9-5, M-F nannying job. Of course the full maternity leave duties of caring for my daughter don’t end, I am just taking a 6-year-old and a 9-year-old. The part I am dreading the most is going to the beach and having someone assume they are all my daughters and that i had the first one at 14.

No the part I am dreading is that relative flexibility that comes with having an infant and no other job (a luxury)  will evaporate and I won’t have time to do anything except take care of children.

So to make up for this I have been cramming my remaining days full, clawing to my semblance of a schedule. Today Jolene and I went to the pediatrician for shots, picked up a Bumbo a nice lady in my local parents FB group was giving away, went to our very last new mama group, returned books at the library and picked up our farm share (having a baby really changes the things you have to cross off your list to feel accomplished, I will tell you that).

The result of this too full day was a too tired mama and a too grumpy Jolene. I should have skipped picking a bouquet of flowers at the farm but they are so beautiful to have around the house. So I walked to the flower field, which is at the entrance of the farm and because I left the ergo at home I lay Jolene in the grass by the flowerbeds for about 3 minutes while I scrambled to pick flowers.

On my way back to the farm stand to return the scissors, This lady (and her super intense energy) accosted me and flipped out because she usually parks by the flowers to pick on her way out and she never would have seen my daughter lying there if she had tried to park there and it was so irresponsible of me. I confess I did not handle it well. I spit back that the farm is a family place and she should expect there to be children around and that there is a parking area for parking (maybe this sounds reasonable but my tone was not), at which point she tells me that she (and I quote) “just didn’t want a dead baby and a lawsuit on my (her)  hands.”

Okay. I made a mistake. But I am not Casey Anthony. I did not lay my child in the road, or even “on the side of the road.” I put her in the grass 15 feet from the dirt driveway of a farm and far far away from the nearest parking area.

And dear lord, if you ever see a new mom making a mistake, please please however mad and shocked you are don’t use the phrase “dead baby.” Chances are if she is anything like me, she already spends a fat portion of her brain worrying about all the ways her child could perish in a freak accident, so emphasizing what would happen if you hit her with your way too big car with bad visibility is just being mean.

I was super mad at that dumb bitch (excuse me)  but I was mostly mad at myself not handling my shit with said dumb bitch and for putting Jolene in any sort of danger. And just now I realized that this week is one big fat transition that I am saying goodbye to the first beautiful half of Jo’s first year and welcoming in all the awesome new stuff. Needless to say emotions are running high.  Tomorrow is our last day before new job starts, and I think I will blow off errands and go for a big fat walk with my cheerful, thriving baby. And forget about the haters.



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all of the links all of the links

some links ive been digging.

Rookie Magazine ok seriously why did this not exist when i was a teenager? its smart, beautiful, hip and very honest. written by teenagers for teenagers (and 20 somethings still working on all that teenage stuff because they read too much Seventeen and Cosmo). it has all that fashion  and beauty and whatnot, but also Interior Design from the 60s and 70s and    How to Make Strawberry Jam and stuff like that. and sweet user submitted art and writing. i really hope this is still around when jo is a teenager (shudder).

cool paper crane mobile  soon i will have some time and i will make this for jolene. probably when i start my full time summer nanny job (!!). i will probably have loads more time for extra crafts.

Life as an Elizabeth Warren Intern  my friend from high school is writing about, you guessed it, life as an Elizabeth Warren intern. If you want this inside scoop on the campaign, this just might be the place.

BPA, PVC and Phthalate Free Teether List  one day i got super paranoid and threw out half of jolene’s teethers. this list helped me. i guess she puts most things in her mouth, whats are a few extra phthalates really going to do… the answer is we have very little idea. also maybe cancer.

– Mean Lady i am obsessed with this band. thank you anna.

Feminist Pigs  and How to Bring Your Kids Up Queer… my friend erika sent me these and i’ve only skimmed them, but so far they are amazing. they are about queer things and parenting and queer parenting! also the first one might be about farming.

-RECIPE ROUND UP! I have been sticking to my menu planning and am finding lots of new recipes. i am particularly obsessed with  Eggplant and Beef Stir Fry  (throw some green peppers in at the end, it needs freshening up) Spicy Chicken Thighs with Rhubarb Cucumber Salsa  and Poached Eggs in Tomato Sauce with Chickpeas and Feta . yum.

Depression Test obviously it is not that simple, but the Center for Epidemiological Studies has a depression scale that they have developed and a quick online test that puts you on the scale. i discovered the link in an article i was reading and i think that its real important.


yeah. cool!


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waffles and ice cream

i think the only appropriate celebration when you get your child to sleep is waffles and ice cream. every night. it is actually that big of an accomplishment. and i don’t think its something you can fully appreciate until you have children 

so it is 8:03 and i am sitting on my summer back porch watching the sun think about setting and eating waffles and ice cream.  just finished the Awkward Black Girl season premiere, amazing.  my family is starting to arrive home and they are asking me questions like  “did you make a salad” and “whats in the sink” and i just want to shout THIS IS MY TIME but i can’t because i am part of a family and that isn’t what you do. so i have roughly ten more minutes until i have to get up and scrub the banana mush off the floor and pick up my possessions strewn across the floor and will my sheets dry on the line so i can sleep on them tonight. 

so i think i have become way over zealous about the whole solid food thing. i have decided to do Baby Led Weaning, which basically entails giving your baby pieces of the real, non mush food that you yourself are eating for dinner. no spoon feeding, no boring rice cereal (unless that is what you are eating), just happy babies that love food, in all its lumpy crunchy glory. maybe you are saying WHA?? WHOULDN’T A BABY CHOKE AND DIE??? but babies at 6 months have a fantastic gag reflex and so it is silly (no judgement) to waste that super gag reflex time on food that is hard to choke on, saving it for later when their gag reflex is weaker. 

so jolene  has been snatching food off my plate and is very capable of stuffing it into her mouth and generally it has been just glorious. she loves baby bok choy, watermelon, toast, yogurt, chicken, roasted bell pepper, banana… just “tastes” so far, because as it turns out eating is hard, the getting the food l, into your mouth part. she is younger than the BLW folks recommend by a month, and can’t quite sit up with out being propped by towels in her high chair. today she had two bodily events (which i will not mention in any detail, i am pretty cautious ever since a friend directed me to STFU Parents) which reminded me to slow down. she has plenty of time to discover the incredible world of food.  just wait until she tastes waffles and ice cream. 

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baby and buddies

one of the top ten amazing things about having a baby is watching that baby interact with your friends. so many good people have been home over the past month/are home/ might be home for a bit longer so I am feeling socially replenished and jolene is now in the midst of an enormous growth spurt from the love.

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my baby likes snoop

When your mom picks up the toy you pushed off your high chair tray for the millionth time and gives it back to you…

drop it like its hot drop it like its hot

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Solid, dude

Okay. A couple of things.

First I ate the most amazing dinner on Sunday- spinach and garlic sausage, asparagus and a salad made of baby spinach and micro chard from my garden! (I planted all my greens way too close together because I didn’t think any of them would actually grow, so I thinned them today) With raspberry lime vinegerette (raspberry jam, onion vinaigrette, shallot oil, lime juice).

The other thing, the best thing, was that I gave Jo a piece of asparagus to suck on at dinner. I picked a big thick woody one (oh grow up) and gave it to her. She put it in her mouth and immediately spit it out, making this dragon breath exaggerated exhale sound. Be this as it may, I am a firm believer in “try everything three times” so Jolene did and proceded to lick all the shallot oil off the asparagus and gum it until she dropped it on the floor and it got covered in dog hair.

I think that this is going to be my approach to solids. I am going to wait until 6 months to start shoveling in rice cereal and sweet potato and other things like that. From what I’ve read, her gut won’t be mature until then and honestly why bother with the mess. Also I worry lots about my milk supply, so any extra calories from food come away from the milk.  Also my thoughts on shoveling? Not a great approach. Food should be an interactive and exploratory experience (although ask me again in 4 months when I am giving Jo a bath after every meal). Until then I am going to give her little tastes and licks, to tickle her palate. Since Sunday I let her lick some mushed banana off my fingers and that got her really wired, wiggling her legs around, bugging her eyes out and so forth.

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