Why I am not exercising or criticizing (or editing?)

At last the dreary (and desperately needed) rain has ended. Except for the freakish frost warning tonight (??!???!) it finally feels like May. My entire body aches from the constant Ergo walks and bike path stroller times where I now run two minutes, then walk 5 (more like 7) minutes. I am starting to understand why people don’t exercise after they have babies. I got it at first, the soreness/stitches, the exhaustion, the excessive lactating but now I understand why people don’t exercise 4 months after baby.

It goes like this:

a. Have you ever tried to run in a nursing bra?

b. Have you ever tried to breastfeed while wearing two sports bras that were too small even before you were pregnant?

I got out of the house for vague adult times TWICE this week. Last night I went to The Blow which was rad. Except when it started late and then my parents called as I was driving at home at 1:45am because Jo woke up and I wasn’t home to feed her. And suddenly my fantasy of touring my electro pop performance art around the country with head bobbing queers in plaid burst and I was brought to the delightfully scary reality of being a parent.

I went to the single parents group  on Tuesday, which is officially my third parenting group. I wish I was kidding. Also…

Image

Only in the United States would this picture send shock waves around the country. Seriously, who really cares how long someone else breastfeeds their child for….why people are so worried and shocked about other peoples parenting choices (particularly when children are breastfed into toddlerhood alllllll around the globe). I am tired of people criticizing mothers, and I am especially tired of misdirected, uninformed feminist critiques of motherhood. PhD in Parenting brought up some really great points  about the recent NY times Motherhood vs. Feminist debate, but the best was Maria Blos’s piece Lets Not Pass Judgement 

Attachment parenting does not do anything to us, it does not “destroy feminism,” it is not “bad for working moms.” It is simply an ideology we can use within the context of our own life and priorities. Like any tool, it can be misused and wielded as a weapon of judgement.

Parenthood is humbling beyond measure. Let us be kind to one another.

Perhaps that was what I was trying to say? Anyway, I really didn’t even wasn’t to get into all this.

Much more importantly, Jolene is a mover and a shaker. Her whole attitude lately has been “fuck fine motor skills, I have perfectly suckable fists so why should I direct my energy into putting toys into my mouth?” And the gross motor skills are where its AT lately. I try to get her on her front for Tummy Time (must be capitalized) every day and lately, she has been trying trying to get her knees under her and TODAY SHE DID. Just for a little tiny second but oh my goodness I am freaking out because we are that much closer to crawling/walking/driving/motor cycle crashing. That is all projection and fantasy and I do try to rid myself of the automatic growing up montage in my head.  The experience of watching her was nothing like that. It was so amazing to see her exploring, testing her strength, feeling the ways in which her body can move. It was with such genuine curiosity and such… uncomplicated necessity. She must get her knees under herself, and yet doesn’t even quite realize it yet.

I guess I have a lot of feelings. I apologize for not editing more. I think that maybe real people with blogs write posts and then look at them later and edit them and think about them before posting, but that is not what I am going to do today.

This weekend… baby’s first pride parade, mamas first mothers day and maybe I will finally buy some socks because I seriously have no socks.

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