size anxiety and the best chicken ever

I think I am finally getting over my baby bump size anxiety. It all started last week (the anxiety, not the getting over it), at the post office of all places. I was chatting with the lady at the counter, who is usually a grump but a visit from me, the pregnant fairy bearing 40+ thank you notes had brightened her day and I said yeah, I’m due in a week and she looked me up and down and said “sure don’t look like you’re having a baby in a week.”

Well I was wearing my coat, which is a maternity coat but the buttons are working it pretty hard and it smushes everything down and I was behind the counter and I hadn’t had lunch yet so okay fine I guess I just wasn’t that big. Which is funny because these days whenever I see pictures of myself I think WHO IS THAT WOMAN IN THE FATSUIT WHO LOOKS LIKE ME (see below)

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…but mostly try to think positive thoughts about my body because thats important when you have a daughter.

But anyway, I see these other pregnant women, the really pregnant kind (although my sister has pointed out to me, and it is true, no pregnant person is more or less pregnant than another pregnant person… its kind of a yes or no thing) that lean waaay back and are not just wide but DEEP, you know? I feel like I have this whole other level of absurdity that I haven’t hit yet. Like my aunt told me I don’t look desperate enough to have a baby yet, which is kind of what I’m talking about.

So for the last week I’ve was obsessing over whether or not the baby has “dropped.” I thought it already happened, because a couple of weeks ago I woke up to a new space between my boobs and belly. And I started having to pee every 15 minutes instead of every hour and I get full real fast. All of this sizing myself up and pouring through pictures of women at 39 weeks ON TOP of talking about induction in my birthing class has just been freaking me out. I confessed to my midwife last Friday. She was very reassuring, telling me that women carry in all different ways and sometimes babies don’t drop until right before their born and THEN she changed my due date!! Back to the 15th of January , which was the original date based on the 20 week ultrasound. The 10th of January was based on my last period, the date of which I  made that up on my first visit, pretending to be the kind of responsible woman who keeps track of these things.

The sugar baby will come when she is going to come. Given that is ten thirty, it probably won’t be on the full moon like I expected but it will be this month. Waiting is hard but the fabric for the curtains has only just arrived and I have a quilt to finish before I even start that (I took a picture of it in progress but it didn’t do it justice so I’ll just post one whenever I finish). I have plenty of time before I  am induced to look deep and feel desperate and perfect the side to side motion of my waddle.

The best has been spending time with friends and family. I have time for that right now, as I wait around and make paper cranes for the nursery. Some of my best friends from Grinnell days came up this weekend and cooked me (most notably) this (probably the best chicken I have ever eaten)  and this. We went to a friends family’s annual soup party.. more old friends and I helped complete (this is a little bit embarrassing) my first ever real puzzle. And by real I mean 300 pieces. I am not kidding and I am actually pretty proud and here it is

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Okay I have to pee so bad I might not be able to stand up. Its time to be done.

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