now

“Bliss was it in that dawn to be alive
But to be young was very heaven!”

-William Wordsworth

These words were evoked by a friend this new years eve, around an improvised feast of roasted white and sweet potatoes, corn and bean salad (“cowboy caviar”), corn bread and almond butter tofu. They have been ringing in my ears for a couple of days now. Its not the French Revolution, but I feel like it is some kind of a dawn. The smell, the dew, the anticipation, the streaks of light seeping into the sky. 2012 is big. Real big. I am going to be a mother. That still feels impossible to type and makes very little sense to read.  ME? I am going to be unconditionally responsible for the life of another human being? I am to guide them through a world which I know so little about, show them the beauty I cannot always see and the goodness that sometimes feels so far away? When a good chunk of my friends graduate from college this May, I will not have a diploma in my arms but a 5 month old baby. Scary? Yeah, totally petrifying and groundless. But also beautiful and tender and joyful and so full. The last couple of years have been really crazy for me. The song that’s resonated with me the most? This one, from the fabulous rock opera Hadestown. Doubt. I have felt so ruled by doubt for so long and all of a sudden, that doubt has lifted. I know what I need to do. I may not know exactly how to do it yet, but I have a tremendous amount of trust in the process.

I wasn’t going to write any of that but perhaps the thumping in my belly over the last half hour has caused me to curl inward a bit. I was going to mention the tasty tasty Creamy Polenta with Sausages and Roasted Grapes I made for dinner tonight (although I don’t have a microwave, so I used this grits recipe instead) and ruminate on the “parenting rules” (for lack of a better phrase) we discussed  around the above mentioned new years eve table.

The highlights are as follows:

-Eating dirt is okay

– Respect fire

-Its harder for your child to  be a picky eater when they have helped to grow and cook the food they eat

– Also on the subject of food…try everything twice. Actually maybe three times.

-Your child will suck at climbing things unless you let them climb on things

– Give your child the best tool for the job at the youngest age possible (aka no fake plastic microscopes)

Thinking about parenting is exciting and rich but also overwhelming. I’m going to be honest, I am just now coming to terms that this baby is going to be COMING OUT OF MY VAGINA IN 6 DAYS (supposedly, we’ll see how punctual she is).

And THATS why 80% of mommy blogs are about STUFF!! Its so easy to talk about and so pretty! Speaking of which, here are some of my favorite onsies from the shower. All hand stenciled by friends.

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Its way too late for me. Goodnight.

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