Jolene Winter came dancing into the world this on Monday, January 16th 2012!! We are so happy and healthy and come home tomorrow! Some day I might stop starting at her long enough to get back on the internet.
Monthly Archives: January 2012
So I’ve been having irregular contractions since about 10 am this morning. It is now 8:27. They have only been about 30 seconds at most, and jump around from about a half hour to 5 minutes apart. Waiting to call the midwife until there is more of a pattern. I have spent most of the day working on my curtains. Ina May Gaskin recommends having a “labor project.” I retreated to bed for a few hours today and remembered one eof the birth stories I read in her book (hold on here comes another one) and one woman described lacquering a chair for nursing the baby while in labor. That got me up out of bed and back to the sewing machine. I finished two. It felt so amazing to think about my girl, feel her moving down and make something for her all at the same time.
I feel so excited and so still. Tonight I am going to stay in, watch Contagion and eat my mums meatballs. And maybe have a baby.
LOVED this post from offbeatmama. When I used to play The Sims, I think that the babies just suddenly turned into kids…there wasn’t exactly a toddler phase. I have sworn off The Sims because it prevents me from having a real life, but oh does this ever make me want to start playing again!!
No baby yet. Ive started reading to her every night before bed, and she always squiggles around the whole time! I think she knows my “Im reading a childrens book!” tone already. Precious.
I think I am finally getting over my baby bump size anxiety. It all started last week (the anxiety, not the getting over it), at the post office of all places. I was chatting with the lady at the counter, who is usually a grump but a visit from me, the pregnant fairy bearing 40+ thank you notes had brightened her day and I said yeah, I’m due in a week and she looked me up and down and said “sure don’t look like you’re having a baby in a week.”
Well I was wearing my coat, which is a maternity coat but the buttons are working it pretty hard and it smushes everything down and I was behind the counter and I hadn’t had lunch yet so okay fine I guess I just wasn’t that big. Which is funny because these days whenever I see pictures of myself I think WHO IS THAT WOMAN IN THE FATSUIT WHO LOOKS LIKE ME (see below)
…but mostly try to think positive thoughts about my body because thats important when you have a daughter.
But anyway, I see these other pregnant women, the really pregnant kind (although my sister has pointed out to me, and it is true, no pregnant person is more or less pregnant than another pregnant person… its kind of a yes or no thing) that lean waaay back and are not just wide but DEEP, you know? I feel like I have this whole other level of absurdity that I haven’t hit yet. Like my aunt told me I don’t look desperate enough to have a baby yet, which is kind of what I’m talking about.
So for the last week I’ve was obsessing over whether or not the baby has “dropped.” I thought it already happened, because a couple of weeks ago I woke up to a new space between my boobs and belly. And I started having to pee every 15 minutes instead of every hour and I get full real fast. All of this sizing myself up and pouring through pictures of women at 39 weeks ON TOP of talking about induction in my birthing class has just been freaking me out. I confessed to my midwife last Friday. She was very reassuring, telling me that women carry in all different ways and sometimes babies don’t drop until right before their born and THEN she changed my due date!! Back to the 15th of January , which was the original date based on the 20 week ultrasound. The 10th of January was based on my last period, the date of which I made that up on my first visit, pretending to be the kind of responsible woman who keeps track of these things.
The sugar baby will come when she is going to come. Given that is ten thirty, it probably won’t be on the full moon like I expected but it will be this month. Waiting is hard but the fabric for the curtains has only just arrived and I have a quilt to finish before I even start that (I took a picture of it in progress but it didn’t do it justice so I’ll just post one whenever I finish). I have plenty of time before I am induced to look deep and feel desperate and perfect the side to side motion of my waddle.
The best has been spending time with friends and family. I have time for that right now, as I wait around and make paper cranes for the nursery. Some of my best friends from Grinnell days came up this weekend and cooked me (most notably) this (probably the best chicken I have ever eaten) and this. We went to a friends family’s annual soup party.. more old friends and I helped complete (this is a little bit embarrassing) my first ever real puzzle. And by real I mean 300 pieces. I am not kidding and I am actually pretty proud and here it is
Okay I have to pee so bad I might not be able to stand up. Its time to be done.
“Bliss was it in that dawn to be alive
But to be young was very heaven!”
These words were evoked by a friend this new years eve, around an improvised feast of roasted white and sweet potatoes, corn and bean salad (“cowboy caviar”), corn bread and almond butter tofu. They have been ringing in my ears for a couple of days now. Its not the French Revolution, but I feel like it is some kind of a dawn. The smell, the dew, the anticipation, the streaks of light seeping into the sky. 2012 is big. Real big. I am going to be a mother. That still feels impossible to type and makes very little sense to read. ME? I am going to be unconditionally responsible for the life of another human being? I am to guide them through a world which I know so little about, show them the beauty I cannot always see and the goodness that sometimes feels so far away? When a good chunk of my friends graduate from college this May, I will not have a diploma in my arms but a 5 month old baby. Scary? Yeah, totally petrifying and groundless. But also beautiful and tender and joyful and so full. The last couple of years have been really crazy for me. The song that’s resonated with me the most? This one, from the fabulous rock opera Hadestown. Doubt. I have felt so ruled by doubt for so long and all of a sudden, that doubt has lifted. I know what I need to do. I may not know exactly how to do it yet, but I have a tremendous amount of trust in the process.
I wasn’t going to write any of that but perhaps the thumping in my belly over the last half hour has caused me to curl inward a bit. I was going to mention the tasty tasty Creamy Polenta with Sausages and Roasted Grapes I made for dinner tonight (although I don’t have a microwave, so I used this grits recipe instead) and ruminate on the “parenting rules” (for lack of a better phrase) we discussed around the above mentioned new years eve table.
The highlights are as follows:
-Eating dirt is okay
– Respect fire
-Its harder for your child to be a picky eater when they have helped to grow and cook the food they eat
– Also on the subject of food…try everything twice. Actually maybe three times.
-Your child will suck at climbing things unless you let them climb on things
– Give your child the best tool for the job at the youngest age possible (aka no fake plastic microscopes)
Thinking about parenting is exciting and rich but also overwhelming. I’m going to be honest, I am just now coming to terms that this baby is going to be COMING OUT OF MY VAGINA IN 6 DAYS (supposedly, we’ll see how punctual she is).
And THATS why 80% of mommy blogs are about STUFF!! Its so easy to talk about and so pretty! Speaking of which, here are some of my favorite onsies from the shower. All hand stenciled by friends.
Its way too late for me. Goodnight.